yicabob craine

so. glitter glitter. let's take a step back to when I was 15. the way I used to click click click to portray certain situations in my life. elaborate scenarios, intense analogies, not-so-simple vocabulary. hence, the title "the thesaurus". this, referring to the fact that take away two years & that was my most commonly used book. in ways im glad that back then I desperatly needed to be original, sound sophisticated or what not, because now I have not turned to it in a very long time, maybe because the whah whah whah's of the book's language have found comfort in my own mouth. although, I try & contemplate for awhile on whether to confuse the simple with such talk or not. take into account, no one really goes through the trouble of reading anything I take time or thought on. so, I might as well have fun running through mazes inside my mind, picking complicated "thesaurus" words to convey my imaginative speech. big words. fancy words. they are fun to use & oh-so-easy to abuse, & yet, they are my muse.
hello. yes, you, I am speaking in your natural direction. you believe me to be something the electrical impulses in your thought organ have told you I am. & that is fine, for the time being. but I hope that in the future you will truly see who I am. who I know my own self to be. I am Colleen, or so my certificate of birth reads out. I feel slightly uncomfortable & awkward when someone says my name, because in fact, I feel as though they should instead say something of the sort like hello, mrs. photographer, or hi mrs. compassionate about others. but no. such an idea is a silly one. but being uncomfortable at the sound of my own name is just what happens, I cannot help it.
back to the autobiography....
*clears throat*
I am who I am. I dare not share who I am with very many people. In the outside world, I really like to only think about the outside world, with brief visits to my own subconcience at appropriate times. To the outside world, I am of a mixed breed. Many different things boiled into one itty bitty body. Of course, this is because of experiences, religion, friends, love, etc. whatever God has decided to flash in front of my eyes. But my favorite thing about me. colleen. is the person that was there even before I had enough brainpower for a memory. the only thing inside of me, completely untouched by the world, only influenced by the hands of my maker. it is my greatest joy, my only constant joy. It is a piece of something greater than even myself, it makes me feel ancient. I would say it's an old soul, but such a cliche would lesson it's importance to me, & I would only embaress myself. When I feel this part of me, if you know how to decifer it, it's extremely apparent in my eyes. I don't have to look into my reflection to know what they look like, I can feel it in my heart. It's an ocean without the waves, it's mute snow falling in the dead of night, it's complete compassion for the person i'm gazing at, & it's the opening of all my senses to what is happening around me. & that is why it is my favorite. that is why it is me. that is & will always be, my favorite feeling in the entire universe.
so, there you have it. my unclosed chapter is open, in my thesaurus sounding speech which tries to be sophisticated.
I hope you not think me silly to talk in such a manner, but to me, it's a joy.
haha, i think if someone were to call me joy, I would not at all feel uncomfortable in any way.
thank you for reading.