reminiscing

animate sides to one another
a warm line that melts together
pillow talk amongst this home
inside our heads is where we roam
glossy eyes caused by a true joy
comfort love between girl & boy
rosy cheeks that hold his smile
her palms caress for a while
days are still not enough time
to define their love or try & mime
she shows him her honest face
he's careful with it just as lace
he shares & cries inner fears
she eases all, erases hot tears
different colors blend as one
positive energy bright as the sun
days are still not enough time
to define their love or try & mime.

spit thought

i think i'm gonna make it somewhere in this world.
& i am extremely excited about it!$!($$($($*&%&&%&%
wooooop! woooooooooop!

sad scenery

flip back 2 nights before this current black sky & you would find me in a traditional spot.





I have no idea how the 12 month cycle continues to pertain to my life every year.
it boggles my mind!!!$*$*428484*$
but oh well.
this time my aching body went to the same pasture as before, right behind my house. this was the 4th year in a row. everytime i think about it, it makes me so curious as to why it happens. each year it's a completely different scenario too, & i pray to God that it doesn't happen for a 5th.

year 1- no clouds, stars, cold, end of december
year 2- cloudy, snow 2 feet deep, cold, beginning of january
year 3- windy, cold, starry sky, beginning of january
year 4- pouring rain, cold as ice, muddy, beginning of january
year5- please no.

yicabob craine

so. glitter glitter. let's take a step back to when I was 15. the way I used to click click click to portray certain situations in my life. elaborate scenarios, intense analogies, not-so-simple vocabulary. hence, the title "the thesaurus". this, referring to the fact that take away two years & that was my most commonly used book. in ways im glad that back then I desperatly needed to be original, sound sophisticated or what not, because now I have not turned to it in a very long time, maybe because the whah whah whah's of the book's language have found comfort in my own mouth. although, I try & contemplate for awhile on whether to confuse the simple with such talk or not. take into account, no one really goes through the trouble of reading anything I take time or thought on. so, I might as well have fun running through mazes inside my mind, picking complicated "thesaurus" words to convey my imaginative speech. big words. fancy words. they are fun to use & oh-so-easy to abuse, & yet, they are my muse.
hello. yes, you, I am speaking in your natural direction. you believe me to be something the electrical impulses in your thought organ have told you I am. & that is fine, for the time being. but I hope that in the future you will truly see who I am. who I know my own self to be. I am Colleen, or so my certificate of birth reads out. I feel slightly uncomfortable & awkward when someone says my name, because in fact, I feel as though they should instead say something of the sort like hello, mrs. photographer, or hi mrs. compassionate about others. but no. such an idea is a silly one. but being uncomfortable at the sound of my own name is just what happens, I cannot help it.
back to the autobiography....
*clears throat*
I am who I am. I dare not share who I am with very many people. In the outside world, I really like to only think about the outside world, with brief visits to my own subconcience at appropriate times. To the outside world, I am of a mixed breed. Many different things boiled into one itty bitty body. Of course, this is because of experiences, religion, friends, love, etc. whatever God has decided to flash in front of my eyes. But my favorite thing about me. colleen. is the person that was there even before I had enough brainpower for a memory. the only thing inside of me, completely untouched by the world, only influenced by the hands of my maker. it is my greatest joy, my only constant joy. It is a piece of something greater than even myself, it makes me feel ancient. I would say it's an old soul, but such a cliche would lesson it's importance to me, & I would only embaress myself. When I feel this part of me, if you know how to decifer it, it's extremely apparent in my eyes. I don't have to look into my reflection to know what they look like, I can feel it in my heart. It's an ocean without the waves, it's mute snow falling in the dead of night, it's complete compassion for the person i'm gazing at, & it's the opening of all my senses to what is happening around me. & that is why it is my favorite. that is why it is me. that is & will always be, my favorite feeling in the entire universe.
so, there you have it. my unclosed chapter is open, in my thesaurus sounding speech which tries to be sophisticated.
I hope you not think me silly to talk in such a manner, but to me, it's a joy.
haha, i think if someone were to call me joy, I would not at all feel uncomfortable in any way.
thank you for reading.

dialed repeat several times

basically, i really needed a friend's house to go to, to talk about things with.

& there was no one availible.

i am completely alone.

dang.....

wow. what a horrible thing to happen.

so basically, this week couldn't get any worse. *knock on wood*

my boyfriend got into a terrible car accident. he is in the worst possible mental state possible.
& I think that I have been lied to for the entirety of our relationship.
sucky, huh? yeah, it sure is. but none the less, life has to go on. although, I am not too happy. My mother says I should keep busy, just so things don't go downhill any more than they already have.
yesterday, I turned to my friend jeromy for comfort, and he did a great job. so kudos for jeromy, he's a really good friend to me, & I love him for that. I was really angry at him at first, because the accident was partly his fault, but after getting both sides of the story I think I can forgive him, just not ian.

people are hard to trust, it seems as if they just don't care. they will always backstab you when you least expect it. & when someone says 'i love you', I will never truly believe them ever again.
except Jesus. He's still my only true best friend.

So, I thought I should start writing again. correction:typing

So. it's been quite awhile since I have publicly laid out thoughts which are on my mind.

can you blame me?

I am probably one of the busiest people I know, and for good reason. I have recently changed back to the mindset of wanting to retain as much knowledge as possible in the short length of time I have between college & now. That is, I really enjoy listening to the news on 89.1 fm (NPR) and actually listening during class & taking notes. Who knows how long this phase will last, but I do hope it at least lasts long enough to get me $100 for a straight A report card. That would be very nice. So, I guess that is my New Year's resolution; to care again about my education, other than just art.

Speaking of which, I just recently started a photography class at CBC. I really want to learn more about the technological aspects of the camera, light, etc. Today's class was very interesting, about the color/light spectrum in reference to camera things. blah blah blah to you, is wow wow wow to me. I know, doesn't really sound interesting.

BUT!

I have really gotten into photography.

I wonder why?!
maybe it's the fact that my dad is a photographer, but it's pretty iffy.

here be some new photooooooos for yeee viewin'! *said in pirate voice for no apparent reason

pretty sweet sunset pictures taken with steve, out behind my house a ways.

and we stopped by some sweet construction sites too, and after some fiddling around with it, I got this.

Last stop was this abandoned train down by Columbia Center Drive & Clearwater Ave. Steve got on top of the carts & ran & jumped across.....I was waaaayyy too scared to even try.

Then, a couple days later, me & my buddy, Cameron ( http://cameronsblogs.blogspot.com/ ) went crazy with our cameras & took over 120 pictures each. It was a rainy, cold day but somehow we managed & got some sweet shots.

cool bmw, abandoned & soaked.

down by howard amon park.

there was this pretty brick building. Something owned by the government. Creeeepy. No, but I couldn't find Cameron for a couple minutes when I was on the other side of this building, & I thought he went inside. So I got scared & started banging on the door.

Kind of felt like an idiot when he appeared over the hill next to me.

I am very picky with my film in my canon 50mm AE-1, but this bench was just such a vivid color, I had to shoot it. (This is from my digital)

& the last one, is cameron, we went down to another construction site, we took sooooo many pictures. but I liked this one best.

anyways, hope you enjoyed. hope to see you again soon.