i....I....i.....I

i roll the chair's wheels over the edges of my 90's pajama hand-me-downs twice ran & like the feeling of them tugging at me each time i move. i listen to the same song over & over again because it reminds me of the electricity which runs through my brain when i am feeling most fluent in thought. i think about a boy i love living in a snowy town just like my white hills & how he's thinking of me & basking in the warmth of his flowing red blood cells. i yearn for the next hour when dreams will trickle into my spine & cause my subconscious mind to breathe & finally get the chance to unwind in spontaneity & a sort of classical melodic rhythm for a time. i reflect on the times when i have felt this same way as i feel now, but in a way much more empty & short-lived manner & what this means to my future, how this has come about, & if it is going to last much longer. i believe in something bigger than myself & find comfort in the knowledge that there is a reason my heart beats in time with my faith, that it has never spoken lies to me, that i have never felt unsure of what the truth in fact was, & that the ideas others try to present seem so much less than what i have as of right now, what i have had for as long as i can remember.
God has changed for me over the years, He has led me to fall in love with Him countless times, & i can never thank Him enough for that kind of blessing.